Beautiful Day

It's been a few days since my meltdown on here. I have had time to contemplate things.

I often turn to the Serenity Poem at times of stress. It helps alot. It also helps to remember that my bad mood is transcended to my daughter.

The problem with the car was something simple to fix, Thank God! FYI, when your neighbor removes the wheel to get to the part of the exhaust system that needs fixing, make sure the lugnuts are reapplied securely. LOL.

Today was Valley View's Science Fair. Chloe and the other first graders made boats. They were so cute and creative. I would show you a picture but my dumb butt forgot the camera.

Today after dinner, Chloe and I went outside for a little bit. She played with the neighbor girl and I relaxed. It was while I was watching the clouds float by that I realized that things aren't that bad. They could be better. But they could also be a lot worse.

I have also embarked on a new journey. I am exploring the world of Internet Marketing and Networking. If you would like to follow this journey or just drop in for a visit please see my other blog.

Til the next time,

Keep Keepin' On

I Swear To God

...somebody up there does not like me and my family!!

This may start to ramble so please excuse me if I go off point.

I swear nothing good can ever happen to my family. Something always has come up to fuck shit up.

You already know the story of me not working and what all happened to my daughter.

I can't go a day without something making me cry.

This shitty ass trailer we live in is falling apart. I swear if Code Compliance came in here they would condemn it.

Our car is older than I don't know what and falling apart. And now this morning while taking my daughter to school we discover that one of the tires is wobbling really bad and about to fall off. So now I have to worry how I'm gonna get my daughter to and from school.

I need help!! That's all there is to it. And I have no place or no one to turn to.

I am so tired of living on the bottom of the Life Ladder.

We've turned to all local assistance programs only to come back empty handed. Except for one program that did buy my daughter a hundred dollars worth of clothes at Target.

I even thought about turning to the talk shows and other programs I always see on TV helping families out. In fact I contact The Ellen Show, and of course I didn't hear anything back. Probably because my story isn't "Hollywood" enough for them.

And I hate to be one of those of people that are always "what about me". But damn't, WHAT ABOUT ME?

All I want is a chance. One chance to change everything. Is that too much to ask?

Dollars For Clicking

As you all know I'm not working at the moment. I'm in between getting my Disability and trying to get healthy enough to go back to work.

So, on that note, I have had to go back doing my PTR work to make some extra money.

If you're interested in make a few extra dollars every month or just curious, check out Clicking For Dollars.

Same Ol' Same Ol'

Not much has been happening around here lately. Which I guess is a good thing, considering all the bad luck we have.

I love this time of year. We can get out of the house and do more. I've started trying to lose weight. My daughter loves to play out side and draw with you sidewalk chalk.

I guess the most exciting thing to happen is on April 20th my daughter and I went on a school field trip to the Fredrick Meijer Gardens Butterfly Exhibit. It was so beautiful. We had a really good time. There is still the field trips to the farm and the zoo so I'm looking forward to that.

I've also started up my PTR again so I can get a lil' extra cash flowing in while I wait for Social Security to kick in.

Well that's about all for now. Hopefully I'll have something more exciting next time.

Pics of the Butterfly Exhibit to follow.

Update on My Daughter

There were a few of you that asked how my daughter is doing now after her trauma at just 7 weeks of age. She is now 7 years old and in the first grade.

The first 24 hours after the incident was the worse. Not knowing just how bad the injuries were and if they were going to effect her any. She had 4 seizures the day after she was admitted and was put on Phenabarbatol. Luckily she didn't have any more seizures after that and when she was about nine months old I was allowed to ween her off of it.

At 7 weeks it was too hard to tell what kind of problems she might have later in life. At the tender age of 4yrs, she started showing signs of a rage issue. So we had her checked out and she is ADHD (although she no longer takes meds for this), she has an impulse disorder, and sensory issues.

Considering what could have gone wrong, I count my blessings everyday that those three things are all that are wrong with her. I keep my fingers crossed that nothing else ever comes up.

Thank you for your concern!

xoxo

Life Can be Unfair

…At least where I come in it isn’t. My whole life it has seemed I am nothing more than a victim of circumstance. And I hate hearing myself say this as I type this. Cause in my head it sounds like nothing more than complaints and excuses as to why my life is in dire need of change.

When I was young, I thought the normal thing was to meet a man, fall in love, have a family, you know all that crap Hollywood tries to sell ya everyday. Well I met a man alright. And he was emotionally abusive. But would I leave? No. I had to be stubborn and make it work. After all, I didn’t want to be a quitter. We had a daughter, who I love with every fiber of my being, but she drives me bonkers sometimes! When our daughter (and I use the word “our” lightly) was only 7 weeks old my ex shakes her to the point of giving her a skull fracture and bleeding on the brain. That was my wake up call! By the time I figured something was wrong the next day I rushed her to the hospital. From there my daughter and I moved in with my grandmother.

Flash forward a year and a half later to when I thought things were going well. My mom and I got a town house together, I had a good job at a local factory, and my daughter’s health was outstanding. Little did I know my mental health was slowly slipping away from me til one day I had a “Nervous Breakdown”. Since then, for the past 5 to 6 years, I lost my job, and me, my mom, and daughter now live in a run down two bedroom trailer. I’m fighting for my Social Security Disability cause the depression and the depression medicine combined caused me to gain weight cause I just didn’t care anymore. And with the added weight, came worsening arthritis pain. Now I have the pain in my back.

So now here it is 2010 and I no longer let depression control me. Now I’m wanting to move forward, make something for my daughter and I. A real future, not this barely getting by stuff. Well actually we’re not even doing that if ya know what I mean.

Here come the excuses, the victim of circumstance, some circumstances I caused I must admit. I lost my liscense because I didn’t have the money to pay a $400 fine for not having insurance on the car when I was pulled over for a “loud muffler”. I started back to school and half way through the semester our car broke down. We don’t live on a bus route so I was stranded with no way to classes. Oh and did I mention I don’t really have any friends where I live to help me out. Anyway, so with my depressed state of mind I fell into a dark abyss of “why bother” and gave up. My GPA dropped below 2.0 and I was put on Academic Suspension for financial aid. What does that mean? It means I either have to try and get the suspension lifted or I have to pay for one semester out of my own pocket and hope that I raise my GPA so the suspension will be lifted.

All I know is I have to do something. Living this way and not doing anything about it is driving me crazy. Is it wrong to want something more of life. It’s not like I want to change my life, just simply enhance it.

The Backrub

We all love Friday nights because we know we get to hear the sexy voice of Donnie Wahlberg and listen to some great sensual music. If you could have your own back rub what playlist would you want? Make a list and share below in the comments area.

My list you ask?

It can be heard on the player to your right.

Enjoy!